Dogs, for your viewing pleasure...

When I was younger, my stepbrother owned a chocolate Labrador puppy. Every day after school, I would run to his room downstairs to steal his dog and play with her until the sun went down. Before this, I’d loved dogs, but I was never so passionate about them until I had one of my own. She was taller than me, with big brown eyes and a love for everyone. She was, and still is, the friendliest dog I’ve ever known, and I love her to absolute pieces.

Since her, my adoration of dogs skyrocketed. It’s a life goal of mine to own a dog, most likely an American Eskimo (my dream is to own a golden retriever, but they’re too energetic for just me). The most emotional YouTube videos to me are soldiers reuniting with their animals after being overseas. The unconditional, wholehearted love these beautiful animals give makes my heart melt. Humanity doesn’t deserve dogs, and never will.

And now, the dogs...

His name is Cooper.

“I’ve only [just seen him], but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.”

He blep.

Don’t speak to me or my son ever again.